So… is it? The short answer, of course, is a resounding yes. But there are ways to process this experience in a way that ultimately helps you get closer to having the relationship you want.
What starts to not feel good? How am I meeting these people? Do things tend to move too fast? How is this good or bad? Do I feel like people in my family let you down consistently? Also, look at the dates themselves: are you always dipping out because the conversation is boring? Ya know what does have to do with personality?
Forming and maintaining a good relationship. Someone could be great looking and have all of your superficial criteria, and still be a complete ass, or not be even remotely attracted to you.
Accept that you may have no idea what you want and let it happen naturally. Keep an open mind. Focus on meeting actual people, learning about who they really are, and testing your actual compatibility with them as people.
Not just your constructed ideal of a person — who likely does not exist, and even if he did, does not mean he would want you by any means. Harsh, but true. Otherwise known as: get over yourself. This is a big pet peeve of mine. They think they deserve the best. Relationships are not a one-way street. Would your future partner want to be with someone who lies, cheats, is lazy, unkempt, unambitious, expects things to just happen for them? Would you want to be with a person like that?
Be the person you would like to be with. While you are single, you have all the time in the world to make yourself the best version of yourself.
Find yourself, get to know yourself, work on yourself, confront yourself. Get up-close-and-personal with your imperfections, and start working on them. It starts out with you expecting fate to drop someone in your lap, without doing any work for it.
You expect the best, even though you may be a very shitty or simply lackluster person. But it goes beyond that with some people — it permeates their entire attitude. It is an egocentric, self-centered nature which is diametrically opposed to what relationships represent.
There are people who sit around whining about being single, waiting for fate to step in and the magic pumpkin to show up and take them to the ball. To those people: wake up. I have found doing service has really helped. As a single person without kids, I have the unique skills to take care of bottle-feeding kittens because my schedule is so flexible.
My time and singleness is a needed tool, and I can use it to help others, even if those are tiny kittens. Being single in my mids is something that I think about every single day fortunately or unfortunately, I guess The most beautiful part of being single in my mids has been the intense sense of community I have formed with other single ladies.
It has been simply the coolest to do life so intimately with these ladies. It is easy to feel the ache of loneliness. It happens to me often. Most of the time, I find friends to spend time with and open up about what I am feeling. I seek out reassurance from people I love the most and know me the best. Sometimes, I want to be alone when I feel that way. Sometimes, I think it is good to embrace that feeling and sit with it a while.
I try to channel some of that by painting — I have a studio in my home that is really just a free space for me.
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